Jeremy and Charla were good friends of mine from our church about 1.5 hours away from me. They belonged to our church congregation there. Jeremy was a priest in the small congregation, there were 2 priests in total there in our church. They were also youth leaders. Our cities were under the same district, and we often got together and had events at Jer and Char's home. All the youth love them. Its impossible not too. They were very approachable, with a kind heart and open ear. Jer (short in stature but big in heart) was called "Jer Bear"
Whenever I travelled there for youth I always stayed at their house. We quickly became good friends. They were very loving people, down to earth and understanding. They have the warmest hearts out of anyone I know. They really love everyone, I don't think they could say a mean word to or about anyone. They are very positive. Jer and Char have 3 children; Alex, Sam and Sarena. Alex is 16, Sam is in the middle, and Sarena is about 8 or 9.
Whenver I stayed at their place, I stayed in Sarena's room. Sarena would sleep in her parents bed, or at her friends house. She lovingly made up her room for me, choosing the sheets that would go on the bed and making it herself, choosing a stuffed animal for the bed and once even putting a few flowers on the night table. Sarena is a sweet girl, we really got a long. All 3 children have hearts like their parents. They call Sarena Squirrel, or Squirrly. She and Jer had this weird sense of humour that they shared just the two of them, she could melt his heart in a way the boys couldn't.
Having a few drinks and rockband was a favourite activity. I remember when, shortly after I met Stephan, I was in Sudbury for a youth weekend. While at the hotel my car was broken into. Everything from the glove compartment was thrown all over the place, and my reed knife that I use to make my oboe reeds was stolen. It was the only thing stolen, but it was expensive. I was very upset, as it was near Christmas time and money had been tight for me. I had just had to borrow some money from my parents, and I couldn't go without this knife or I wouldn't be able to make reeds. Upset that I would have to ask my parents for more money, and at Christmas time of all times, to replace the knife I cried to Jer and Charla over it.
On the Sunday I headed home, Jer and Char pulled me aside and gave me a card. I opened it on the way home to find that they had given me the money for my reed knife, with instructions I was not to pay them back. They had received a favour when they were short on money, and now that money was good for them they wanted to pay the favour forward. My instructions were to do the same for someone else when the opportunity arouse for me.
Jer and Char knew from the beginning about Stephan. They were there and listened when things first started, when I first wanted nothing to do with "the German" as I called him (in order to keep distance), until eventually I talked more about him. They would often ask how The German was doing, when he was coming to visit next. They always showed interest and support, and just watched quietly as things slowly started to develop between me and Stephan. And when I started to get excited about Stephan and like him, they were excited along with me. I could really talk to them about anything, I knew I would never be judged by them and that I was safe when I talked to them.
At the last youth event, Subs were ordered and they were all assorted meat. Jer, remembering I only eat chicken and fish, went and got me my own personnel sub with chicken so I would have something to eat. He's just that kind of guy, very thoughtful.
Jer and Char were the first people I made Maultaschen for, in practice for when Stephan came. They loved it. I caught Charla the next morning eating the last of the leftovers, cold. And I eventually brought Stephan to meet them. They got along great. Stephan really had fun hanging out with them and connected with them real well. He felt at east and natural around them and always looked forward to seeing them.
When we decided to move to Calgary we didn't give much notice, although we had been planning it for awhile. We just never knew when it was going to be, it kept getting dragged out. But once we had a date I called Jer and Char to let them know.
I called them on a Thursday, and I will remember this conversation for the rest of my life. And right now about now, I'm reaching for the tissues. Its not without tears that I start on the rest of the story.
I talked to Charla first. She was very supportive, although sad to see me go. Usually we talk longer than we did, but for some reason she passed me off to Jer and instead I had a long conversation with him. Jer was also very supportive and reassuring. He was happy for us, and wanted us to be happy with the decision. He said although they would miss us, they wished us all the best and that we should move with no regrets or doubts, to be happy in our decision and go forward with a happy heart. He said to try to visit them before we moved, if we had the time. But also not to put ourselves out or make ourselves stressed in trying to do so, that they would understand with the short time frame if we were unable to make it. Me and Stephan planned to fit some time in, no matter what. Jer reminded us that Sudbury was not the first move away from their family that they had made, and so they understood my fears. He also said that now they would just have to travel a little further to visit, and that we gave them an excuse to come out to Calgary. He was looking forward to this very much. Then we talked about his job. Jer had been given a new position, and his hours had changed to a schedule and work load that was more suitable for his life and health. He loved the position, and said the job felt like it was made for him. I know he had been struggling, and that sometimes his health kept him at home. It was nothing life threatening though. The hours of the jobs were better physically for him, and with the pay he got he could still afford the house along with Charla's job. Things were going really well, and he was very happy with his situation. He repeated that things were going better than they could ask for. I left the conversation feeling happy. I had been worried about telling them, but they couldn't have been better about and I knew I was going to miss them terribly.
That was the last time we spoke. 2 days later, on a Saturday morning (1.5 weeks before I moved) I received a phone call from my cousin Becca informing me that Jeremy had passed away. Char and the kids had been downstairs, and all thought he was sleeping in. Sarena was the one to find him when she went to wake up her dad. He just never woke up. Jeremy died in his sleep at 39 years of age.
I was in shock, and woke Stephan up crying. He was also upset. The next day, Sunday, we had had a big dinner planned at church. Instead, we packed up the dinner and left early to drive to their church to support Jeremy's mourning congregation. We put on the dinner there, to feed a congregation so much in grief that food wasn't a thought for them at the moment. We went to give them strength.
Stephan and I changed our plans to go back home to my parents a day earlier on Thursday instead of Friday, so we could attend the funeral Thursday night in Jeremy's home town. Stephan was very supportive, and came with me to the funeral. So did my parents.
The funeral service was beautiful. I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. Maybe because I was still in shock, maybe because I had cried for the last 5 days, maybe because I was moving in a week and was also stressed out. People drove from 7 hours away for the funeral. It was packed. He had many, many people who loved him. His oldest son read a very loving, detailed eulogy. I was very proud of Alex, he did a great job and took the task very seriously.
I also tried to make the best out of the situation. At least I got to go the funeral, at least it didn't happen after I had moved to Calgary and was unable to come back. Its not a nice thought, but I'm thankful that I got the chance to say goodbye. And I'm thankful that because of the funeral, Stephan and I got a chance to say goodbye to Charla and the kids as well, since we may not have made it out to see them. Charla told me and Stephan to cherish each other every day, and live a good life together, to be happy with each other. She also said the funeral service gave her much closure, and she was more at peace. Sarena also displayed an amazing strength when she told my little 5 year cousin Maddie that she couldn't see her Dad anymore because he was in heaven, but that she would always see him in her memories, in her heart and when she prayed. Amazing words from such a little girl. That was Jeremy reflecting in her.
It is still hard to think that Jeremy is gone, it makes me sad every time I think about it. But I'm at peace. I have my faith. Within our group in the church, we believe that Jeremy was pulled away so soon because he had important work to do in eternity, most likely with the young people there who have passed away. It would make sense, given how he was with the youth here on earth and how good he was as a youth leader. It helps to think of it this way, it helps to make it a little easier. And to me, it just shows what a great man he was. I will never meet someone with as a big of heart as Jer had.And I know Charla and the kids will continue to live as Jeremy would have wanted them to, that they will try to emulate what Jeremy was every single second of the day. I know they will struggle, cry and despair. But I also know that they will be ok, because both Jeremy and Charla are incredibly strong people. You can see it in their kids, and that's a credit to them. I will keep in touch with Charla and the kids for sure. And I will pray for Jeremy all the time. And never, NEVER will I forget the impact this family had on me in the 2 years I knew them. Those memories will stay on in my heart.
My last picture of Jeremy (on the far right), taken at a youth weekend, only weeks before he passed away.
Charla, on the same weekend
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